then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then Daddy goes out of town

Dear littlest Russell,

We have had a super busy week this past week. Daddy was out of town from very early Sunday morning until past your bedtime Wednesday night. 

Sunday we went over to Pop's house with your puppy Charlie. We go to his house once a month and your big cousin Kristina, Auntie Kayla and Uncle JP go over too. I love that you have so many people in your life who love you so much they fight over who gets to hold you next which helped me out a lot because you were pretty fussy. 

Monday we went grocery shopping and hosted our first play date with the mommies and babies from our prenatal group. As us mommies chatted you babies also seemed to be chatting with each other- it was so cute. Later that night your Grandma and Grandpa came over with sushi for dinner. Again you were pretty fussy. I have a big feeling you are working on some teeth and nighttime seems to be when it's most painful for you. 

Tuesday we went to a play date in the morning with your little friend Ben and then we went out to Chilliwack and you met my cousin's baby girl Ella. She is three months older than you. It was so much fun to see what you are going to be able to do in just a few short months from watching her. When we came home to pick up Charlie from Gandma and Grandpa's we were invited and stayed for spaghetti dinner. Grandma was talking to you when I was changing your bum and you giggled for the first time. 

Wednesday we went to the library for baby story time. This is our second week in a row that we have gone. I really love learning the new songs and watching your face when the librarian reads the story. You managed to stay awake a little bit longer this time but I understand it's hard for you. These activities always seem to run during nap times plus they are really stimulating which is a lot for a small fry like you to take in. We came home and read more stories at home before we went to pick up Daddy from the airport. 

I hope your love of reading matches my own. It seems to me that you are off to a great start. 

Thursday we went back over to Ben's for another play date. You guys are so cute together and Ben is super awesome at sharing his toys with you. 

Friday we are hanging out around the house. Daddy and I get our new king size bed delivered and the drywall repair man is supposed to come over too. We still need to go to buy our bed frame which is great timing because the Ikea bedroom event is now on. I declare a full on pajama day in our near future to relax and recoup from all the craziness I put us through this week. 

Love & Hugs, 

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is three months old

Dear littlest Russell,

At three months old you:

•Sleep 11 hours overnight 7pm-6am sometimes you wake up once around 4am for a quick feed.  

•You went to baby story time at the library and loved it. You were the youngest baby there but you had so much fun singing songs. I'm waiting until you are quite a bit older to get you your very own library card as I want you to know/understand what we are doing. 

•You love playing in your exersaucer and you are getting the hang of your jolly jumper too. 

•You do not like to wear hats and will shake you head no when I put them on you. 

•You like to stand putting your full weight on your little legs and can do it supported for quite a while. 

•You are moving around when laying on your back by using your legs and bucking. You do this in your crib and can move from one end to the other. 

•You have started to grab things with your hands and will bring them up to your mouth the chew on (mainly my hands or fingers and some of your toys)

•You love sucking and chewing on your own hands too. I think you are going to be getting some teeth soon. 

•We have started sign language with you. We practice eat, milk, mom and dad everyday with a few other signs like book and ball. 

•Your coos are becoming more complex. They sound more like multiple syllables and multiple words. I swear you say "uh oh" and "ma" but you only say ma when you are crying and are hungry. You are a little social butterfly and like to talk to everyone and anyone who smiles at you. 

•You had your first set of shots this month. You cried but calmed down pretty quickly. 

•Your strawberry birthmark is getting really big. What once was two separate marks have now joined and it's more raised instead of flat. 

•Wear size 9 month clothes, 6 month pants and size 4 diapers.

•Weigh 15 pounds 5 ounces.

Love & Kisses,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then breast feeding

Dear littlest Russell,

I cannot begin to express how happy I am that we are so perfectly matched for breastfeeding. How amazing it is that my body produces the perfect substance for you, meeting all of your dietary needs. 

Right from the very first latch you knew what to do and so did my body. I've been so lucky that I never suffered from sore, cracked nipples and still have a virtually unused tube of nipple cream. At your one week check up we knew things were going well as you had gained back (plus a little bit more) from what you lost in the first few days and now at a pound away from doubling your birth weight you haven't slowed down or stopped growing since!

We feed on demand, which means that when I see that you are getting hungry (hands up to the mouth, lips smacking, or general fussiness) I feed you. You comfort feed too, and for the most part I'm ok with that. I've tried soothers and unless milk comes out of it you don't want anything to do with it. 

I can always tell when you are going through a growth spurt because I feel like you are latched on all day long and you pull away and get frustrated because the milk isn't getting to you fast enough.

Everyone asks me how I got you to sleep through the night already. And I'll do a sleep post another day but I feel like a big part of how you sleep so well is because you eat so well and for so long right before bed. (Of course what works for one baby may not work for another, so if you're reading this for help or advice keep that in mind).

Here is what our routine looks like now at three months:
6am Wake up, get dressed, then you eat breakfast
7am We let Charlie outside and give her her breakfast and play
9am You have a short nap (just long enough for me to have a shower and do something quick with my hair)

You eat again, we play downstairs and then you have your long morning nap

12 you wake up, eat, and play

3ish you have your afternoon nap

4pm is when you start your 3 hour cluster feed (Yes you read that right...three freakin hours pretty much non-stop)

5:45pm You have a bit of a break when Dad gets home. You guys chat about manly things while I make dinner. Just before dinner is ready daddy changes you into jammies, sings you a song, and if you are still happy I sit down with you on my lap and eat my dinner. Most nights I don't have enough time to finish eating before you get fussy and I give you a quick nurse (no more than half an hour) 7pm you are asleep for the night. 

So that's it. You eat on and off all day long with a three hour cluster feed before bed and then you are out for the night. 

One thing that I am proud about is being fairly comfortable feeding you infront of others and teaching my six year old niece what breasts are really for. Maybe her generation will be more positive towards breastfeeding mothers and simply see it as a mother feeding her baby some lunch when she is out in public. 

I do use a nursing cover around other dads or out in public but I so deeply wish to be completely free. How twisted is our society that a baby being fed artificially (by a bottle) is perfectly ok but to see a mom using her body to naturally feed her child is "awkward and should be hidden".

I have had comments about how you couldn't possibly be still hungry when we are over at other people's houses during your cluster feed time. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel like they think I'm over feeding you. You have had big juicy cheeks since before you were born as seen in ultrasound pictures, so comments now about how your cheeks must be so big from all that eating you do are ridiculous. 

It's important for me to remember that you eat as much as you want (people say you cannot overfeed a breastfed baby) and that I know you best. What we do works for us and I enjoy seeing you thrive. If any of our doctors or nurses thought you were gaining too much too fast they would say something. Instead, they are proud (as am I) for all the hours we've put into this and the outcome we are receiving. I know pretty soon you'll be up crawling, walking, running and burning all those calories. I can't wait to see you achieve all those milestones and more. 

Love & Kisses,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...mommy friends

Dear littlest Russell,

Lately I've been feeling really lonely. It's not your fault, you are great company, but I miss adults. 

I've never had many friends, I blame it mostly on the fact that I had a very unstable upbringing. I moved around a lot as a child. I'm talking about 10 different schools by the time I was 9. Add a middle school and then a high school, two colleges are you starting to get the picture? I don't consider myself an antisocial person (rather I seem to make friends quite easily) my problem is maintaining and sustaining friendships. 

My best friend and I have now been friends for the past 7 years. I think part of the reason we have been friends for so long is that she is what I call a relivitly low maintenance person. We like to meet up for dinners once a week and spend a few hours chatting about work, relationships, books, crafts etc. There have many times where our schedules have not allowed us the time to meet up and that's ok because that just means that we have more to talk about for the next time. 

When I told her I was pregnant although she was very happy for us, I sensed a big hesitation. I think she was worried that gone were the carefree days where I would be able to meet up with her at a moments notice or to be able to meet up with her at all. 

I tried to reassure her. We after all went through the same thing when I got married and our friendship hadn't had time stolen from her by that. 

Lately though, due to mommy brain I think I feel like I am not good company anymore. Rarely do I finish stories let alone speak in full sentences before I get sidetracked or interrupted. And now most annoyingly my stories are all about baby this and baby that. Don't get me wrong I love talking about you. I am proud on a daily basis of how fast you are growing up, changing and learning. The problem is that I was a person before you came along. A person who did things and had hobbies besides raising a small child. And so when I was asked for a recommendation of any good books I've read lately I felt really sad. The last book that I had time to read cover to cover was "Goodnight moon."

Good night moon, good night Spencer

I'm sure this was not the kind of book my friend would be interested in. So I went to Chapters with my Christmas gift card in hand and bought this one:

Just noticed now: Still "children" themed *sigh

Now let's see if I can find some me time and get back to my pre-baby self. 

And now I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and really try to maintain friendships with the lovely ladies from my prenatal class. I mean they probably don't have much else to talk about but their own small ones as well. 

Last Class

Prenatal Group Reunion

Love forever and always,

Mom

Reread New Years Eve (moment Jan,18,2014)

Cuddling my 12 week old baby in the rocking chair after his bath. We are listening to music from my iPod and as he falls asleep on my chest "unconditionally" by Katy Perry starts to play. 

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then never wake a sleeping baby?

Dear littlest Russell,

You were too cool for naps today and although you were incredibly tired you refused to sleep. Within minutes of our walk you were out cold. I thought "momma for the win". Now back at home and I'm afraid if I take you out you will wake and not go back to sleep. Crap. Guess who's laughing after all? (Not me) So we are sitting in the garage until you wakes...or until I get brave. 

I think you are going through another growth spurt and or you are starting to teethe. And I know that is really early but you have been drooling, biting, sucking on your hands and your cheeks are red. 

Here's hoping my happy baby returns, pronto. 

Love & Kisses,

Mommy

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then best friends a boy and his dog

Dear littlest Russell,

We haven't chatted yet about your puppy. How lucky for you that since day one you've always had a dog. Most kids have to beg their parents for one. She is very protective of you and loves you a little too much sometimes. I cannot wait for you to grow up a little bit more so you can really start to play with her.

Charlie stands guard

Just a boy and his dog 2.5 months old

Puppy kisses

Love & Hugs,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is two months old

Dear littlest Russell,

At two months old you:

• Sleep for 8-10 hours in a row overnight (except for when you were going through a growth spurt and this month you have gone through a couple) then you are up every 1-4 hours through the night. 

• Love to smile (like the big take over your whole face kind of smile) at anyone who tells you that you are cute

• Can roll over from your front to your back

• Are trying so hard to talk...you love to have conversations and your coo's are the best sounds ever

• You play every morning as you bat at your toys

• Your eyes are starting to change color. Some days they look like they will be brown, some days they look like they will be green. 

• Your hair is getting longer and darker also

• You are now in size 2 diapers and size 6 month clothes and size 3 months pants

• Your feet are super ticklish just like your mama's

• Although I'm not sure exactly how much you weigh this month you are about 13 pounds and are getting big rolls on your arms and legs



 

Love & Hugs,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is a month old

Dear littlest Russell,

At one month old you: 

•Sleep 7-8 hours in a row overnight

•Will take a bottle of momma's milk

•Show us the dimples in your cheeks when you smile

•Love looking in the big mirror, tummy time on mom or dad's chest and holding up your own head as you sit in our laps

• Wear size 1 diapers, 0 to 3 months clothes and newborn size pants

•Weigh 9 pounds 10 ounces.


Love & Kisses,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then introducing baby

Dear littlest Russell,

We never did an official birth announcement where we mailed out the details of our new bundle of joy to friends and family, so here are the details (pictured below).

(Thank you to my best friend for making this)

We also never had a baby shower. It was not something that I personally felt like I wanted. Over the years we purchased practically everything (and more) that we would need to raise a baby. Plus if I'm being completely honest I'm pretty picky and didn't want the whole bunch of crap. Instead we planned on having a meet and greet. As it turns out, that also didn't happen. We were very lucky to be blessed with a few trinkets here and there from friends and family.

Love & Kisses,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is born

Dear littlest Russell,

I wish to share with you how amazing your birth story really was. Partway through my pregnancy I knew I needed/wanted support beyond the medical team of doctors and nurses and the loving help of your father. I mean after all this was his first experience too. We signed up for prenatal classes and went once a week for eight weeks learning the ins and outs of labor and delivery. During my research I found a wonderful support person called a Doula. I knew hands-down this was the one person I needed on my side. A perfect stranger, a person who is been through it herself (twice) and had witnessed countless others and supported them along the way. 

I was 41 weeks pregnant (one week overdue) when you entered our lives changing it all for the better. I had been having early labor contractions for a week solid every.single.night. It was terrible, and exciting, and incredibly exhausting...like really really exhausting. 

When you are overdue as a mother there routine tests the doctors do like ultrasounds and nonstress tests to make sure that both baby and mom are still happy and healthy. We passed with flying colors but they were concerned that my blood pressure was a little high. I was given the choice to go home for a couple of days before they induced me or to try a little bit of medicine right then and there called Cervadil. They told me that if my body was ready the little bit of extra hormones would just help keep labor going. If my body wasn't ready they would try another dose the following day. 

I went home that afternoon and had the start of irregular contractions. When daddy came home from work that night the contractions though mild, were starting to become regular. We called the Doula and she arrived at her house at around 7 o'clock at night. We went to the hospital twice that night although I cannot remember the exact times. The first time I wanted to make sure I was indeed in fact actually in labor and I wanted to be checked to make sure progress is being made. 

I was at 2 cm dilated and was given the option to go back home to labor where was more comfortable than staying in the hospital. I sent daddy to bed and the Doula to the couch and climbed into the tub. 

Several hours later I felt like the contractions have changed. Back to the hospital we went and discovered I was 5 cm dilated. For the next nine hours I labored in their soaker tub with no medication or interventions except for the laughing gas. 

I then pushed for half an hour. I was so incredibly tired by that point as I had been up for about 30 hours by then. The nurse started me on a small dose of oxytocin. I remember sleeping through pushing contractions. I could sleep through two contractions and then push on the third. Trust me when I say it felt a lot longer than only half an hour. 

I was so amazed that your daddy helped me as much as he did. He watched you being born and such pride filled his voice when he told me that he could in fact see your head coming. I honestly didn't believe him and remember saying "you're all lying to me" as the doctor also chimed in "he's almost here!" 

My baby! The baby I had dreamt about, prayed about, cried about. After all these years you were finally here. 

We started breast-feeding immediately and had more than an hour of skin to skin. You were a champ you knew exactly what to do and so did my body. Nothing in this world had ever felt so right for me than having you at my breast feverishly sucking away and your daddy grinning from ear to ear with amazement at our new family of three. 

My son, you were born on October 26, 2013 at 12:05 pm in White rock British Columbia. You weighed 7 & a 1/2 pounds and were 20 & a 1/2 inches long.

(18 hours old)

We were discharged from the hospital 24 hours after your birth and our journey began. 

How small you once were

Love & Hugs,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then pregnancy in a nutshell

I think I left off at eight weeks pregnant. We hadn't heard the heartbeat, we hadn't seen an ultrasound yet, we couldn't have known how amazing this experience was about to be.

Dear littlest Russell,

I had a pretty easy pregnancy up until the point where you grew and I was about 15 weeks pregnant. Your favorite position was to hang out so low in my belly right from the beginning all the way to the end causing my back to be in an incredible amount of pain. The kind of pain that forced me to stop working and go on medical leave well before my due date. On top of the usual doctors visits there were many more appointments added to our daily schedule. Chiro, physio, massage therapy, and acupuncture but  nothing helped. 

At nine weeks and five days your grandma Trish and I went to see you for the first time via ultrasound. We fell in love instantly. There you were, even being that little we could still make out perfect profile of your head, arms, and body or at least I could anyways.

At twelve weeks I heard your heart beating for the very first time. Music to my ears!

At 20 weeks we found out that you are a boy so we could pick out your name get your room painted and ready and start to shop for clothing. Your daddy said he knew you were a boy from day one but mommy was very shocked. I thought the whole time you were a girl. I had dreams of little girl, all the old wives tales indicated female and had mommy intuition all behind me. 

I couldn't wait as the weeks went by to have another chance to see you. I had a few more ultrasounds and it was so amazing to see how much you had grown, especially those cheeks!

Your Daddy and I were (and still are) both so happy to have a son to carry on the Russell last name. 

Love & Hugs,

Mom

Then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then life with a newborn

Dear littlest Russell, 

Nobody could have prepared me for how sore after delivery I would be. I'm talking full body I just ran two marathons back to back withought training kind of sore. Funny enough my arms hurt the most. Not so funny though since now I had a newborn baby who didn't like to sleep anywhere but on his mama's chest or in her arms. 

Life at home was amazing right from the start. I felt so lucky to have so many friends and family supporting us every step of the way. My job was to take care of you, daddy's job was to take care of me and our puppy, and our friends and family did the rest. 

Here you are at one week old and let me tell you that was the fastest week of my life. 

Love & Hugs,

Mom

then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is 2.5 months old (time to catch up)

Ok so life as usual got in the way of me blogging. Seems like this happens all the time for me. I start a blog with the greatest intentions and, well, it dies. So after almost a whole year and practically an entire pregnancy I'm back. I'm not going to beat myself up about it...it is what it is. I still need a place to write down, to reflect back, to unload my thoughts so here it goes (again). 

I have so much to catch up on and I'm still figuring out the best way to do it. Maybe 3 am is not the best time to start this but I just finished nursing and was too excited about blogging that I couldn't fall back asleep. 

Future posts to catch the blog up include 

•the rest of my pregnancy

•labour/delivery

•baby introduction

•months one, two and three of life with a newborn

•who am I now

I really wish I had followed through with my intentions the first time as the above list looks pretty overwhelming. The "oh crap how will I make enough time to write all that" kind of thing. I've seen a wonderful idea floating around in cyberland (aka Facebook, Pinterest etc.) that I really want to try and I figured I could adapt it a bit and do it online. The idea is that from the start of the year whenever something wonderful/magical/moment to cherish happens you write it down on a small piece of paper and put it in a jar. On New Year's Eve the jar gets opened and you as a family take turns reading and reliving what made the past year a good one. 

Well we are 16 days in to January (better late than never, right)? I sense a trend here...

...ok the first moment is this one right now, the start blogging moment!

I have a nagging feeling before I try to shut down and fall back asleep that have haven't written to you yet littlest Russell. I want to so bad but I want things to be in order (pretty weird I know). Like who cares if I share something current before everything else is caught up. So I'll make it short and sweet without too much that gives things away. 

Dear littlest Russell,

I full heartily love being your mom. You are everything and more to me than I could have ever imagined you to be after all these years. One day my hope for you is if/when you find yourself in a situation that seems impossible that you never give up. Today I feel ever so lucky that your Daddy and I didn't give up and as I nurse you back to sleep I can smell the fresh, warm, milky smell that makes my heart just want to burst into a million different pieces. 

I love you, I love mothering you, nurturing you, and watching you thrive from it all. 

Love you, 

Mom