then comes marriage...then a house...a dog...then baby is 100 days old

Dear littlest Russell,

Today you are 100 days old. How quickly have those days gone by! No longer do you resemble a newborn but an infant all the way. I feel a little sad that you are growing up so fast. The older you get the more my confidence lessens with what I'm doing with you. Sure in some ways it has grown but you are in an awkward stage of becoming more independent without being able to communicate. 

When you were first born I had the most confidence with you. You were such an easy baby (and still are for the most part). Your needs were easily met. I mean after all, all you did was eat, sleep and poop. Then you started to stay awake for longer stretches of time. You didn't wake up crying for boob and that's where the "ok now what am I supposed to do with you" phase entered. So I tried playing with you, reading to you, teaching you sign language, tickling you but I feel like sometimes it's too much and that maybe I'm not very good at it. 

We go to baby story time at the library and you by far are the youngest one there. I have people coming up to me all the time asking how old you are, and when I tell them they congratulate me for getting out of the house all on my own with a baby who is so young. I'm taken aback every single time I see that surprised face. And then the doubt comes in...am I pushing you too much too soon? Are we supposed to be sitting at home singing the itsy bitsy spider? 

Lately I've been trying to let you play on your own without hovering around you, engaging you in play. It's hard. My need for control and protection over you is really high. Maybe it would be different if I could lay you down on the floor and let you roll around and play on your own but we have Charlie who would be all over you in .32 of a second. So far you can play in you exersaucer by yourself for short amounts of time which is nice because it gives my arms a break from holding you. 

So as much as I would like time to slow down or even rewind I would also like it to speed up so we can get out of this awkward stage of I don't know what to do with you thing we have going on. 

And this is where I feel the most satisfied. When you are both sleeping. Haha. Poor baby! You are sure getting the raw end of the deal here. 

Love & Kisses,

Mom