Dear littlest Russell,
I will never pretend to know it all. So when the opportunity came for me to go to a parenting class last weekend I took it. I fondly remember when I was growing up my parents participating in parenting classes. After-all we only want the best for our children and recognize that some of the techniques my parents used and their parents before them may not be the most effective.
The other day I had a moment sitting in the doctors office when I saw a mother and her two-year-old son playing in the kids corner. The way she spoke to him was inspiring to say the least. Another child around two years old with his father joined and in typical two year old fashion the child stole the first kid's toy. I fully expected the little boy to lose his sh*t but the mom showed him that there were lots of monkeys (had them count them) and turned it into a moment to teach about sharing. Did the second kid ask if he could play with the barrel of monkeys? No. But the Mom didn't parent the other kid (just her own). I was amazed. I knew right then that I will work so very hard to be just like her. It's called positive discipline.
The parenting class I took really embraces that philosophy. For example instead of saying "No" all the time, tell the child what you want them to do instead. This may seem like a no brainer but for me it's super challenging. Let me try to break it down and explain further. When you say "No hitting" a picture flashes through the child's brain of them hitting, then they need to figure out that there's a negative in that and it leaves them wondering "Ok, mom doesn't want me to hit but I don't know what she WANTS me to do." So instead you can say "Gentle hands" or "Keep your hands to yourself (or) by your side". Then you have to take the time to train your kids, showing them what gentle hands look like. It works for everything. Instead of "No jumping" you can say "Feet on the floor". You can also replace the word No with other words like Danger, Hot, Ick, Stop. Save the word No for when you really need it!
Another take away moment from the class that I took was offer two choices. "You have to wear shoes outside. Would you like to wear your blue shoes or your sandals?"(because you don't want your kid wearing his winter boots-it's summer). Offer them two choices you agree with and let him choose. You can even add the "you choose" part at the end.
There were so many other things I learnt that day but this post is already getting wordy so I'll share some others another day.
Love & Squishy Hugs,
Mom
