I need a place to write down my thoughts. A place where I can look back and remember how I was feeling. A place where I can learn and hopefully one day share. Sometimes I will write as if a child of mine already exists and I am sharing with that child. One day I will look back on these I'm sure to see how this journey has played out. For as long as I can remember I've wanted a child, and one day I want to be able to show that child how much I loved them before they were even here.
Dear little Russell,
Your Dad and I have been trying to conceive for a while now. And after each month I go through the mourn of a loss of a life that never even had a chance to live yet. It's exhausting. We are not ready to give up yet though as I want more than anything in the world to become pregnant. I wish for each month that passes by that this will be the one where we finally get to be excited that we have made the decision to add to our family.
People tell me to stop thinking about it and that's when it will happen. How can I not think about the one thing that would change our lives forever? Something we have wanted and waited so long for?
I am sure that I am ovulating today or in the next day or two. Hopefully this time everything goes as planned and from the love that your Dad and I share with each other results in you.
It's hard not to count down the days that I have to wait to find out if it's worked. I find the "two week wait" the hardest days ever. Every symptom I wonder if I just experienced something magical but the funny thing is PMS symptoms and pregnancy symptoms are often some of the same.
Time will tell, I just wish I could speed up those few weeks and then time can slow down again. Haha. If only it worked that way.
Well that's enough rambling for today...
Love & Kisses,
Mom
